Amy M. Spagnola


5 Reasons Why Online Dating Doesn't Work Anymore

1.) More Competition

Back in the days when online dating had a stigma akin to marrying your cousin, there were far fewer men and women brave enough to lurk online to find a date or soulmate. Now, the floodgates have opened and around 1 in 3 single people use online dating as their cyber Cupid every year.

Women, who were once overcome with emails by gents looking for a sweetheart, are now populating the dating sites with as many lovelorn profiles as men, and in some cases, women account for more users, especially on faith-based sites.

2.) Hook-Ups Reign Supreme

Not all, but many men cast their dating net looking for a way to find more women to sleep with. Men have learned the way to play the game. Cue: charming profile picture, where they’re dressed in professional clothing (how could a banker break a heart?), followed by coy pithy emails and then a first meeting.

Men who would struggle to date and discard in the real world, find it easy and exciting to sleep with lots of women using the Internet as their player’s paradise.

With the entrance requirements to online dating being none, married men, coupled up men and single men on a ‘nail a female’ campaign can all find ladies to sleep with. And what’s great for men looking to shag and split, is there’s never a lack of fresh prey. New women join dating sites every day and thus, there’s an endless pool of chickadees to ‘hump and dump.’

All this means that it’s increasingly difficult to land Mr. Right with one snickers bar, when there’s so much candy being given away for free. 

3.) Chemistry Sucks

When locking eyes with an uber-attractive musician at a bar feels like you’ve been struck by love lightning, when you meet your frumpy, beer-bellied, balding online match in-person, it can be difficult to feel the same earth-shattering spark. Apparently, people know if they want to sleep with someone within the first 30 seconds of meeting them.

While love can grow, and people can become attractive with time, and revelations of personality, many highly attractive people aren’t trolling Plenty of Fish with a box of cheerios on their lap at 2am.

This is not to say there aren’t incredibly sexy and beautiful people online, it’s just that Brad Pitt probably doesn’t need OkCupid!

 Chemistry is very important to launch a relationship but many times, it can be difficult to come across.

4.) Dry Spell

In my personal experience, as a fit, attractive young woman, I noticed that joining sites like Match would offer only one to two weeks of “leads” and then, the amount of emails I was receiving would sharply decline. Maybe one or two new emails a week?

Having been online years ago, around seven or eight, I noticed less steep drop off then. (I might have had a month of good prospects.) I attribute this phenomenon to the popular sites being akin to attending a free party with free booze and free Apple products…it’s crowded! Also, many popular big sites are paid memberships and many men and women are electing to ‘date dabble’ and not pay the full fee to try on their digital dating pants.

Overall, I had much more success on free sites like Plenty of Fish (AKA Hook-Up Central), Craigslist and even Zoosk (although this was not a winner). As dating is a numbers game, these sites offer more quantity.

5.) Fake and Shake

I can’t count the number of times I’d receive a newsletter from a site that rhymes with Catch and it would have Ken doll looking men in my age bracket, in my area, who were single and had all the other specs I was looking for. Hooray! But don’t invite your girlfriends to a single send-off party just yet. This was the classic bait and switch, wherein these male profiles appeared “too good to be true” and were. 

I would write to a few of these Matt Damon-ish men, only to receive no reply. What the what?!? I tried the ‘cute-guy-from-the-newsletter’ experiment many times and never received replies; in addition, the newsletter men never appeared in my searches on the site, and the men in my searches looked very physically different than the newsletter hunks.

NPR recently reported on fake-out dating and other sites have published blogs on how to spot a fake profile. currently has a 1-star rating on a consumer report website with 1,000 reviews and counting. One model even sued Match as her profile was reportedly being used as bait for men looking for love. Many fake, abandoned and questionable profiles exist on these sites to lure users and take their money. Proceed with caution.

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